


Sick boyfriend (and even sicker friends)

by fangirl_feminista



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Multi, character a is sick and character b is a hopeless caretaker, i think i had fever while i was writing this, much originality much wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 03:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3104627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_feminista/pseuds/fangirl_feminista
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Aomine is a hopeless caretaker who unwillingly discovers his friends' seedy endeavors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sick boyfriend (and even sicker friends)

**Author's Note:**

> An inexcusable amount of dirty trash jokes and enough fluff to make you throw up.

“Kise, you better give me a good reason why you’re not at the door right now, sucking my face and tearing this horrible uniform off.”

It’s not exactly the most lovey-dovey PG-13 “I’m home” greeting in the world, but Aomine Daiki is not lovey-dovey. And definitely not PG-13. While flinging his basketball shoes and socks aside, Aomine scans the studio flat.

Kise is spread-eagled on their bed, panting softly, skin flushed and muscles glistening with sweat. Aomine swears to himself that no, he’s not screwing a guy who looks like he's sprawling on death’s door.

Very wrong choice of words. Now Aomine feels his heart pounding again, not in the victory-on-edge kind of way. In the I’m-gonna-throw-up-shit kind of way.

 _“Focus, Daiki. You’re in the zone,”_ he thinks. Aomine Daiki was the ace of one of the top US college teams, and is currently the ace of the All-fucking-Japan basketball team. He can handle this. _“YOU’RE IN THE ZOOOONE.”_

Kise moans and curls into a helpless fetal position, clutching the sheets tighter around himself.

_“Oh shit oh shit oh shit.”_

 

* * *

“Kise-kun, I promise you that I am refusing your request to have copies of my leather lingerie photos for the sake of your own safety and the survival of my relationship with Kagami-kun. Please let me live in peace now.”

Aomine is too flabbergasted to speak. The words “leather lingerie” and “Kagami-kun” are still wrapping themselves around his head.

“Kise-kun?” Kuroko’s tinny telephone voice prompts. “Please excuse me, but are you even sure Aomine-kun is into this type of thing—“

“Tetsu,” Aomine finally finds his voice. The horror of having a picture of his friend’s nightly activities branded into his innocent (okay, not so innocent) mind is not the priority. “Um. I need your help.”

“Ah, Aomine-kun,” Kuroko responds without missing a beat. A part of Aomine feels like smacking him in the head for the calm of his voice. “Since this is Kise-kun’s phone, can I deduce that you need help with him? Or that he has finally involved you in his agenda of seeing me in leather lingerie?”

Aomine could swear he heard a twinge of sadistic amusement in there. _Leather lingerie_ , his mind shudders. Kuroko’s mind is a dark, dark place. “No, fuckdamnit Tetsu. Blonde is sick. Real sick. He’s up to 39.4 degrees, shivering like a mild earthquake and aching all over. I have no fucking idea what I should be doing right now.”

Kuroko instantly becomes all-business. “Then, please call Midorima-kun. He must be better equipped to give you assistance than I am.”

* * *

 

“Kise, I will reiterate once more that I would never relinquish the new animal aphrodisiac we are working on in the laboratory. Not even 25mL of it. I confirm that doing so is a federal crime that will send me to prison for at least 6 years and terminate any viable career path that I may have in the future. Unless you’re willing to start a drug cartel with me, but in any case I do not envision undertaking such a profession in the foreseeable future. Go die, _nanodayo_.”

“You go die, four-eyed carrot,” Aomine snarls back. That might not be a good way to start. He breathes out harshly. “Ugh. It’s me, Aomine.”

“Aomine-kun,” Midorima responds, like he hasn’t just said “animal aphrodisiac” within the same minute. “You have thirty seconds to convince me this is worth my time.”

Aomine is about to hurl insults at him when he remembers that probably none of the people he knows can help him right now more than a med student like Midorima. “Kise is sick. He’s burning hot and his whole body hurts. What should I do?”

“I’m in medical research, not actual medical practice,” Midorima flatly states, with an obscene amount of indifference for the life of his former teammate and the sanity of another. “And I’m not your family doctor. Now stop wasting my time, _nanodayo_.”

* * *

 

“This is fucking Aomine Daiki okay so if you have anything remotely sexual to say about yourself shut it because this is a fucking emergency and I don’t want to end up killing this guy,” Aomine says without pausing for breath.

“Wow, well, wasn’t that intense, Dai-chan,” Momoi replies in a mildly reproachful tone. “What is this emergency that made you seem like you swallowed a Howler?”

“Kise,” Aomine breathes out heavily. He stands from the bedside and paces around the room, rubbing his forehead. “He’s sick.”

“Sick how?”

“He was perfectly fine this morning but now he’s burning hot and shivering like he’s in Siberia and his whole body hurts. He’s moaning like he’s in hell. Like…” something snaps inside Aomine. “Like he’s fucking _dying_!”

Silence. Without his bidding, Aomine's eyes close with dread of what Momoi will say.

Then, the sound of pealing bells fills his ear. Momoi is _laughing_.

“Oh, Dai-chan!” Momoi huffs between uncontrollable fits of laughter. “It’s just flu. He’s just down with _flu_ , calm your balls!”

Considering that his best friend just had a field day over his impending heart attack, Aomine feels justified in hotly mouthing off. Except that, shockingly, he feels no desire to do so. What he does feel is an incredible weight lifting off his shoulders. In the end, all he can manage is a dumb “What?”

This, needless to say, sends Momoi into another round of laughter. “I’ll give you a list of things. I dictate, you search. Got it?”

A few fumbles into the foreign territory of their medicine cabinet later, Aomine emerges with a half-decent treatment plan. “Maa, maa Dai-chan,” his best friend says fondly. “You’ve grown quite into a lovesick puppy, haven’t you?”

Thank heavens Satsuki couldn’t see how the redness of Aomine’s face matched Kise’s, or he would never hear the end of it. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Sure thing,” Momoi airily concedes, self-assured in her victory. “Oh, and Dai-chan?”

“What?”

“Tell Kise-kun that I test-drived his purchase and he can pick it up anytime,” Momoi says. “My boyfriend and I had a lot of fun with it, so I’m sure you will too.”

Aomine slams down the phone and makes a mental list of possible friend replacements.


End file.
